“Driven” sounds a little aggressive. Are we talking Tiger Mother here? I think that phrase came into the culture with Rick Warren’s book, “A Purpose-Driven Life.” I haven’t read the book, but my sense is that people who talk about wanting to have a purpose-driven life are talking about wanting to feel that their life has a larger meaning beyond just satisfying their own individual desires.Are most of us aware of our purpose? The fact that the book was so popular makes me think people feel something is missing from their lives. I think we all know people whose work has completely taken over their lives. They’re so constantly preoccupied with getting things done that they don’t get to ask themselves whether their work makes a difference to themselves or anyone else. That’s not what I consider a purpose-driven life.What people mean by having a sense of purpose varies from person to person. Not everyone is looking for an all-consuming passion that becomes the focus of their lives, but most people also don’t want to feel like they’re just making widgets. They want to feel like they’re contributing to some greater good, or that whatever they’re doing uses the talents and skills that are most important to them. Some people come across their sense of purpose quite naturally and quite early. I’m thinking of Olympic athletes like figure skaters who have to dedicate themselves wholeheartedly from a very early age in order to be successful. But these people are the exceptions, by and large. And for many other people, finding a purpose in life is much more of a struggle.How do we know when we’ve found it? If something matters to us so much that we are willing to make real sacrifices for it, that’s one way we know. Again, Olympic athletes have to sacrifice a lot of the ordinary pleasures of life in order to devote all of their time and energy to their sport. But the willingness to sacrifice isn’t necessarily the most important thing. I think when we want to put all of ourselves into what we’re doing, and want to do the best we can because we really care about it, that’s a really good sign. When people say, “I can’t believe I’m getting paid to do this,” we can be pretty sure they’ve found their purpose.Do we tend to get it right? We can certainly get it wrong for all kinds of reasons. For example, I’ve seen lots of people in my practice who are really good at something they don’t like. They often feel confused about why they don’t feel motivated to do better at their jobs when they have the potential to be really successful. It can be difficult to recognize that what they want to do is different from what they always felt they had to do. Someone who is really good at engineering, but wants to be a therapist, can be very confused about whether they really want to make a change. They often just think that there’s something wrong with them—that they’re lazy or unmotivated, for example.How do you guide your clients on this journey? First, I want to find out what is making them unhappy. Is it their job or is it a more general issue, like anxiety or depression, that will come up no matter what they do? Sometimes they need to change what they are doing. Other times they need to change themselves in some way.Some just need permission to do what matters to them and, once they have that, they’re fine. And what matters most might not be their work. In our society we tend to think that someone’s life purpose is their job, but often people don’t get to choose what they do. They need to support themselves and their families, and they’re not in a position to hold out for something they love. But they find a tremendous sense of purpose in their family life or their church or their hobbies or being involved in the community. I think restricting the notion of life purpose to work or career does a tremendous injustice to the many people who find their purpose in other places.Can you give an example of someone finding their purpose? For reasons of confidentiality, I can’t talk about anyone I’ve actually seen in my practice. But I can give you an example that is a disguised composite of a number of people I’ve seen. A young man I worked with had grown up with a lot of pressure to become a doctor, like the rest of his family. He was very bright, but he struggled with learning disabilities that made college very difficult for him. For years, he supported himself by working in restaurants. He really liked the work, but he always felt that he should be doing something more “professional” that would make more use of his intellect. At one point, he actually went back to college with the idea of becoming a physician’s assistant. Even though he knew he didn’t like school, he thought he would enjoy working with patients. He loved the relationships with the patients, but he absolutely hated medicine. Eventually, he realized that he had learned a tremendous amount from his work in restaurants, and that that knowledge could actually be useful to other people. So, in addition to his work as a server, he began offering his services to people who were thinking about opening restaurants. He became a kind of freelance consultant. The problem solving kept him intellectually engaged and he felt that he was doing something that really helped people—both the owners and the customers who would have a better experience because of his efforts. His family has never really understood what he does, but he’s very happy.Click to learn more about finding your life path with Jane Rubin, Ph.D.