How are shyness, introversion, and anxiety related? Shyness and introversion are often mistaken for one another, but they’re actually quite distinct. You can be an outgoing introvert, or a shy extrovert.Introversion and extroversion have to do with how you recharge your energy batteries when you’re running low. If you’re an extrovert, you get your energy from interacting with other people. If you’re not regularly getting that interaction, you might feel drained or out of sorts.If you’re an introvert, the opposite is true. It’s not that you don’t like being social or that you’re shy; it’s just that social interactions tend to deplete you. After a certain amount of interaction, you need some alone time to recharge.Shyness is more about your level of comfort with others—and with yourself. If you’re shy, you may worry that you’re not entertaining or funny or interesting enough to attract the attention of others. This self-criticism can erode your self-confidence in social situations.
How do shyness and introversion contribute to anxiety? Introversion can create anxiety if you don’t recognize that you’re an introvert. You might have good social skills, and enjoy being with other people, but find yourself drained after a party or some other social event. You might come home and feel like you don’t have the energy to interact with anyone.If you don’t know that you’re feeling this way because you’re an introvert, and simply need some down time, you might feel that you need to force yourself to become more extroverted. Trying to become someone you’re not can definitely be a source of anxiety.One of my favorite books about this topic is by Marti Laney, called The Introvert Advantage. She and other authors, such as Susan Cain, have pointed out that our culture highly values extroversion.If you’re an introvert, this cultural expectation can make you feel pressured to become more extroverted than is comfortable for you. These authors encourage you to accept who you are. Marti Laney, in particular, emphasizes that introversion and extroversion are in the way you’re wired. She offers compelling evidence that introverts and extroverts process information differently because of differences in brain structure.Unlike introversion, shyness leads you to feel uncomfortable in social situations, regardless of whether you’re feeling depleted or not. In this sense, shyness can feel like a kind of social anxiety. You might feel anxious that you’re not coming across well, or that other people are noticing your discomfort.Like introversion, shyness becomes more bearable when you’re able to accept it. Like introversion, it can actually be an advantage. Shy people are often good listeners because they’re more comfortable listening than talking. In addition, if you’re slow to warm up, you might have deeper and more meaningful relationships with other people than those who are masters of superficial conversation.It’s also often the case that, as self-conscious as you might be about your shyness, other people are usually too focused on themselves to notice your discomfort. They might actually find you less intimidating than someone who is only too comfortable hijacking a conversation.If you’re struggling with shyness to the point that it’s hampering your ability to have the kinds of relationships you want, you may be experiencing social anxiety. If that’s the case, therapy can help you feel more at ease. But if you’re an introvert or a shy person, accepting yourself is the key to feeling more comfortable with yourself and others.Are anxiety and low self-confidence keeping you from finding direction in life? Click here to learn how to overcome your obstacles and move forward. Click to learn more about anxiety therapy and treatment with Dr. Jane Rubin.