Depression can be a difficult condition to live with regardless of gender, and the signs that you may have it are not always obvious. However, Steven Petrow writes in the New York Times how symptoms of depression in men may be masked as other issues, making a diagnosis even harder to determine.
Covering Up Depression
Petrow writes that, “Men don’t get depressed; they just work, drink and compete harder.” Although this is a generalization, many men do try to cover up their depression with something else, whether they realize it or not. A few common symptoms of depression in men include:
Being a “workaholic” by spending more time at the office.
Excessive drinking or drug use.
Having an extra-marital affair.
Engaging in other kinds of risky, self-destructive behavior.
These are called “externalizing symptoms.” All of these behaviors are ways for men to not deal with their depression. On the surface, they may even seem happy and not to be struggling. Yet, by not addressing the problem, men can make it worse through their behaviors, which can lead to problems at work or troubled relationships at home.
A Real-Life Example of Externalizing Symptoms
For one man, externalizing symptoms almost cost him his life. Chris Weidner writes for the Boulder Daily Camera of a man he calls “Ricky,” who, after a bad breakup with his girlfriend, took his passion for rock climbing to a new level. He isolated himself, climbed without a rope or other equipment, and began ice climbing alone, too. One day, while sixty feet above the ground, he fell, fortunately landing in a pile of snow. He wasn’t hurt, but the event was the wake-up call he needed to get help and realize that he needed to reconnect with people.
Depression in Younger vs. Older Men
Men can exhibit externalizing depression symptoms no matter what their age. In my own work, however, I’ve observed:
Middle-aged and older men may have been suffering from symptoms of depression for a long time. They often wind up in treatment because their lives are at a breaking point and they are in danger of losing their jobs, their relationships, or both.
Younger men are sometimes more open to seeking therapy and talking about their depression. While they often experience the same kinds of stigma and shame about depression as do older men, these feelings are often less intense for them and they therefore are more comfortable seeking help.
Feelings of Shame with Depression
Many men who are depressed feel emotions that are connected to the condition. However, one common emotion is shame. This means:
Men feel that there is something wrong with them.
Men feel that that they are somehow weak.
Men feel powerless to “fix” the problem.
Men don’t feel comfortable talking about their shame, so they keep it hidden.
These feelings in turn can lead to externalizing symptoms. This means that, when treating depression, it is also important to deal with the underlying emotions that are associated with it. Steven Petrow writes that, “depression can feel like the worst flu ever, with no end in sight. It is tough to talk about when you’re in that much pain.”
Realizing There’s a Problem
The first step in treating the symptoms of depression is just acknowledging there is a problem. Despite the continued stigma for men, it is getting better, with more men feeling comfortable talking about their depression and seeking help. Petrow says, “Now I can appreciate it when friends ask me how I’m feeling,” and, “I appreciate those who offer: ‘Is there anything I can do?’”By knowing the symptoms of depression, such as externalizing symptoms and the shame associated with depression, men can begin to take proactive steps to find healing in their lives. With a little courage and a lot of support, you, too, can be free of depression and avoid the pitfalls that come with not acknowledging there is a problem and that you need help.Click here to learn about overcoming depression after suffering from a traumatic experience. Click to learn more about depression therapy and treatment with Jane Rubin, Ph.D.