“Twenty thousand roads I went down, down, down/ And they all led me straight back home to you.” Gram Parsons, Return of the Grievous Angel
No matter how many roads you’ve gone down in search of your life path, I believe you can find the one that’s right for you. But, when you’re feeling stuck, it can be very hard to have the faith that any of the roads you’ve taken is ever going to lead anywhere.
In earlier blogs, I alluded to some ways that you might get stuck when you’re trying to find your life path. You might feel conflicted about making the decision that you know is right for you. You might never have experienced the kind of passion that would lead you to your life path. You might feel like a failure even though you’re really doing something that’s just not a good fit for you.
In my next few posts, I want to talk about each of these ways of getting stuck—about where you might be in your life and how you might have gotten there. In future posts, I’ll talk about how you might find ways to move on.
Crossroads
“I got the crossroad blues this mornin’/I’m sinkin’ down.” Robert Johnson, Cross Road Blues
Are you at a place in your life where you want to change direction? Do you have a sense of where you want to go? Are you having trouble making the change, even though you’re pretty sure it’s the right thing to do?
If your answer to these questions is “yes”, you’re having what I call a “crossroads” experience. You’re standing at the intersection of your old road and your new one. The old road has taken you as far as you can go but you can’t get yourself to start down the new one.
How did you get here? Why can’t you get on the right road?
There is no general, one-size-fits all answer to this question. You are a unique individual. You’re here, at your own crossroads, for your own reasons.
But, when you’re feeling stuck, it often helps to know that you’re not alone. So, while none of these examples might perfectly describe you and your situation, here are some ways that I’ve seen people get stuck. What they have in common is that they all present a kind of self-esteem test: Can you feel good enough about yourself to make the change you want to make? These crossroads self-esteem tests take two basic forms:
The scarcity self-esteem test: Sometimes people can’t make the change they know is right for them because they’re afraid there isn’t enough out there. If you’re thinking of leaving your salaried job for self-employment, you might be anxious that there won’t be enough work for you. If you’re in a creative field, you might worry that there’s too much competition for the work that is available. No matter what you want to do, you worry that there won’t be enough to go around.
The failure self-esteem test: If worries about scarcity are rooted in the feeling that there isn’t enough to go around, fear of failure is rooted in the worry that you are not enough—that you’re not talented enough, smart enough, attractive enough, something enough—to be able to take the path you know is right for you.
If you recognize yourself in one of these descriptions, how do you change your sense of yourself? How do you move from a feeling of scarcity to the feeling that you’ll be able to get what you need? From a sense that you’re failure to a sense of self-confidence? From feeling like a fraud to feeling authentic? In future blogs, I’ll talk about ways of moving past the crossroads and down the road that’s right for you.