Finding your purpose in life can be challenging in the best of times. I’m writing this post as the Bay Area enters its second week of sheltering in place to slow the spread of COVID-19. Does it even make sense to even be thinking about finding your purpose in these difficult times? A Bay Area sports talk radio host always ends his show by saying, “Sports don’t create character, they reveal it.”I think something similar can be said about crises like the one we’re currently experiencing. Some people are taking the shelter-in-place order very seriously. They’re staying home and only going out for essential items like groceries and medications. They’re going for walks but maintaining social distance. They’re doing their best to protect themselves and others from coming down with the virus.Other people, like the spring break students partying on Florida beaches or the Northern Californians crowding shores and parks last weekend, seem oblivious or unconcerned about the effects their actions have on themselves and others. They seem only to be concerned about how they can feel better in the moment.
More than anything else, finding your purpose is about finding what matters to you, what you care about, what you value.
Do you care about helping to create a society that benefits everyone? Or do you care only about enriching yourself, even at the cost of others’ welfare? How important are your personal relationships to you? How important is your community or your work?A time of crisis can be a time to reflect on these questions. Think about the kinds of changes you’d like to make now and when life eventually returns to something resembling normalcy. Finding your purpose is about much more than finding a job. It’s about finding what you care about most deeply. Consider the things that make your life worth living.
What do you think is difficult about this situation?
For most people, I think social isolation is the most difficult thing. We can’t get together with people normally. Many of us are extremely fortunate to connect online. Not everyone can. We can’t have dinner with our friends. We can’t celebrate birthdays and holidays together. It’s a sign of how rapidly things have changed that, when I’m watching a movie on Netflix, it already looks strange to me that people are having physical contact with each other.Of course, there are many other difficulties, as well. Many people can’t work and don’t know how they’ll pay rent or feed their families. Health care workers on the front lines are operating without necessary protective equipment. They put their own lives on the line to care for their patients. The number of difficulties is overwhelming.In the midst of these challenges, it can feel that thinking about your life purpose is a luxury you can’t afford. But I think the opposite is true. It’s precisely in this situation that people need to dig down and discover who they want to be in this moment. Who do you want to be with your partner, with whom you’re now sharing a workspace? With your kids, who are bouncing off the walls? Do you want to be completely preoccupied with your tanking 401k? Or can you find a way to be helpful to people who need food, medicine, or companionship in your community?
What about those who are thinking there will be no end to this?
It’s very easy to succumb to catastrophic thinking at a time like this. I say “at a time like this” knowing full well that none of us has ever experienced anything like this situation. The uncertainty we’re facing leads us to desperately look for answers. Some ask, "what’s going to happen?" Some people look for indications that everything is going to be okay. Other people are convinced that things are going to be this way forever. The one thing I think we can say with confidence? Neither the overly optimistic nor the overly pessimistic scenario will turn out to be true.At some point, there will be a vaccine for COVID-19. At some point, the economy will begin to turn around. But we don’t know when these things will happen and we don’t know what life will look like when we’ve gotten through the worst of this crisis. It’s very hard to experience this level of uncertainty day after day, but I think it’s important that everyone try to locate sources of hope in their own lives. Whether it’s through your religious faith, an experience of coming through difficult times in the past, your relationships with people working 24/7 to find solutions, or “whatever gets you through the night”, it’s urgent that we all do our parts to keep hope alive. We will get through this, and we’ll get through it in much better shape if we can sustain others with our own hope and be sustained through theirs. H
How can people best cope?
When things are so uncertain, I think it can be really helpful to create routines. Get up at the same time every day. Make your bed. Establish an exercise routine. Some of my friends who have young children at home have created school schedules that include snacks and recess, as well as learning times.Also, if you’re feeling anxious, maintaining or starting a spiritual practice can help you feel more centered. Meditation, prayer, singing, and other practices can be very helpful in this regard. I also think most people feel better when they find ways to contribute to others.
Deliver food to neighbors who are unable to shop.
Contribute to organizations that are trying to help small businesses and arts organizations survive.
Help people who struggle to use online resources.
Deliver masks to health care workers.
There are many ways to contribute and every effort makes a difference.Finally-- and, perhaps, most importantly—work to maintain your relationships with the people you care about. Call. FaceTime. Celebrate birthdays and other occasions online. If you belong to a church, synagogue, or mosque, participate in their online gatherings. If we work hard to preserve our social fabric now, we can emerge from this crisis with relationships that have been strengthened by going through it together.Click to learn more about finding your purpose with Jane Rubin, Ph.D.Jane Rubin, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in Berkeley, California. She works with individuals in Berkeley, Oakland, the East Bay and the greater San Francisco Bay Area who are struggling with depression and anxiety. She also specializes in working with people who are trying to find meaning and direction in their lives.