Many people who suffer from anxiety symptoms feel bad about themselves because they feel bad about being anxious. In this way, anxiety can be a source of low self-esteem. However, we rarely think about the opposite situation, in which low self-esteem can cause anxiety symptoms. Dr. Jane Rubin explains how your anxiety symptoms may be linked to self-esteem issues.
How Are Self-Esteem and Anxiety Symptoms Related?
Many anxiety symptoms, such as restlessness, difficulty sleeping, or panic attacks are generally not caused by low self-esteem. People may feel bad about having these symptoms, but these symptoms aren’t the cause of their bad feelings about themselves.
On the other hand, for many people, one of the primary symptoms of anxiety is excessive worry about, and preoccupation with, the future. Many people who suffer from anxiety engage in frequent catastrophizing. They’re convinced that, in any situation, the worst is going to happen.
If they want to be successful at work, they’re convinced they’re going to fail. If they want to be in a relationship, they’re convinced they’re going to be rejected.
We often think this kind of catastrophizing is a symptom of depression and it often is. But it’s also a symptom of anxiety for many people who aren’t depressed.
Do You See a Common Theme With Anxiety and Self-Esteem?
I do. When I talk with people about their anxieties about the future, one theme that emerges consistently is that bad things are going to happen to them (or, sometimes, to people they love). They never think that other people are going to fail at work or in their relationships. They just think that they will. In fact, they’re usually convinced that everyone else is doing great.
When we begin to explore this belief, it usually becomes clear fairly quickly that people believe that bad things are going to happen to them because they believe they deserve to have bad things happen to them. From their point of view, the bad things they anticipate are the logical consequence of the fact that they’re bad people.
I’ve had patients who are terrified to make an important life decision because they’re afraid it will be the “wrong” one. I’ve worked with people who’ve been afraid to take risks in their work or their relationship. Asking for a promotion or asking someone on a date, for example, is problematic because they’re afraid they’ll be exposed as incompetent (or, in the case of their relationships, literally exposed as physically unattractive).
I’ve had many patients who are plagued by self-doubt even when everything in their lives is going well. In every case, my patients’ fears have been directly related to their feelings that there’s something wrong with them that guarantees that things will not go well for them.
Is This Something They Learned?
It’s something they’ve concluded from experiences they had early in life. If people are regularly shamed in childhood, if they’re ridiculed or criticized, they usually conclude that there’s something wrong with them. If there weren’t, why would their parents or other caregivers treat them badly?
The same thing is true for people who were consistently neglected. Childhood neglect leaves people feeling that their caregivers didn’t adequately care for them because they don’t matter. People who feel they don’t matter anticipate that bad things will happen to them because no one cares enough to protect them.
Now, these are overgeneralizations. Everyone is different. But, in general, people who have been maltreated anxiously anticipate further maltreatment. And people who have been neglected anxiously expect that no one will be there to protect them from danger.
What Do You Do For These People?
I begin by talking with them about the specific things that make them anxious. What are their worries? What are they afraid is going to happen to them? What kinds of things have they tried doing to manage their anxiety and how have those things worked for them?
It’s often important, especially at the beginning of therapy, to focus on people’s specific anxieties and to try to help put them in perspective. How realistic are they? Usually, the things people worry most about have rarely, if ever, happened to them. What makes them so convinced that those things are going to happen? Why are they so sure they won’t be able to cope in the event that they do?
I also often help people develop specific strategies for dealing with anxiety, such as meditation and breathing techniques. However, for people who suffer from persistent anxiety about the future, addressing the self-esteem issues that underlie their anxiety is what ultimately helps them to become much less anxious. Treating specific anxieties is like putting out fires. One fear is extinguished but another one starts.
Finally, if we address the underlying cause of anxiety—which, in my experience, is often low self-esteem—people’s anxiety diminishes significantly and they no longer feel that it’s controlling their lives. They’re able to enjoy their lives more, take more risks, and look forward to the future with hope instead of dread.
Click to learn more about anxiety therapy and treatment with Dr. Jane Rubin.
Jane Rubin, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in Berkeley, California. She works with individuals in Berkeley, Oakland, the East Bay and the greater San Francisco Bay Area who are struggling with depression and anxiety. She also specializes in working with people who are trying to find meaning and direction in their lives.