What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is a feeling of self-worth. If you have a robust sense of self-esteem, you value the particular qualities you have—your sense of humor, your kindness, your intelligence—that matter to you. You feel you deserve to be treated with respect because you value yourself.How do low self-esteem and anxiety problems affect each other? Self-esteem and anxiety problems aren’t always related. You can have anxiety without having low self-esteem and vice versa. Anxiety and low self-esteem begin to interact when your anxiety stems from the feeling that there’s something wrong with you, and that bad things are going to happen to you, because of it.It’s not always immediately clear if this negative sense of yourself is at the root of your anxieties. Maybe you’re worried that some kind of catastrophe is going to happen to you—that you’re going to be diagnosed with a terrible illness, or you’re going to be in a horrible car accident. Certainly these things could happen to you, but there’s no reason to think that they’re more likely to happen to you, than to anyone else. However, if your anxiety is related to low self-esteem, you believe that bad things are going to happen to you in particular.Why would you believe this? When I work with people to try to find the answer to this question, the answer that inevitably arises is that they feel there’s something wrong with them, and that they’re going to be punished because of it. The illness, or the accident, are punishments for being bad.This fear and anticipation of inevitable punishment is particularly striking because you don’t have to believe in God, or a Higher Power, to feel certain that punishment is coming your way. I ‘ve had many clients who are confirmed atheists, who are nonetheless convinced that God is going to punish them for weighing too much, or not returning phone calls on time, or whatever they believe is wrong with them. The only time they believe in God, is when they’re certain that God is going to punish them, for what they believe are their horrible crimes.Of course, when we explore things more deeply, their bad feelings aren’t really about their weight or not returning phone calls. They feel there is something deeply flawed about themselves—something they can’t even articulate—that has destined them to be the target of a fatal punishment. My job is to help them articulate this sense of what’s wrong, to realize where it came from and to get beyond it, so they no longer feel so tortured by anxiety.How can you stop feeling like there’s something wrong with you?It’s very difficult to break free of it on your own. People usually think if they can just solve the problem they believe is causing their anxiety---if they lose weight or return phone calls—the anxiety will disappear. Instead, they find that once the original problem is solved, they discover something else that’s wrong with them, and the anxiety just finds a new target.Having someone in your corner, who accepts you for who you are, wants to help you understand your anxiety and overcome it, is invaluable in these situations. That’s what good therapy is designed to do.How can anxiety related to self-esteem affect how you live your life? It can be very constricting. If you really feel that there’s something wrong with you, you may be less inclined to spend time with other people because you’re afraid of being found out. Or, if you feel that any decision you need to make, no matter how seemingly trivial, can be a bad decision that will cause bad things to happen to you, you can feel paralyzed whenever you need to make a decision about something.The worst effects, however, are on your emotional life. Low self-esteem, and the anxiety that results from it, feels terrible. The emotional suffering diminishes your quality of life, and the pleasure you might otherwise take, in your work and your relationships.How can you more meaningfully measure your self-worth? The best way to measure your self-worth, I believe, is to ask yourself what matters most to you in life. Is it important to you to be kind? How do you treat other people? Do you value being a trustworthy friend? How do you measure up in this area? Is it important to you to be a good parent? How do you see yourself as a parent? In the end, I think, our most reliable sense of self-esteem comes from being the kind of person we aspire to be.How are depression and low self-esteem related? Click here to learn more. Click to learn more about anxiety therapy and treatment with Dr. Jane Rubin.