Is it an innate result of parenting to set children on a path or does it require conscious effort? It’s complicated. Parents can certainly help their kids find their passion in life, but only if the parents are attuned to what the child cares about and aren’t pushing their own agenda. It becomes counterproductive when parents insist that their child do what the parents want him or her to do, even when the child has no interest in it.On the other hand, some kids really have trouble identifying what they like to do, and those kids can sometimes benefit from parents taking a more active role. If parents are too laissez-faire, their children can end up feeling lost and directionless. We usually need other people in our lives to reflect back to us who we are for us to have a strong sense of self.Can parents consciously improve how they provide guidance? Definitely. Sometimes the issue is that the parents are putting too much pressure on a child to be successful in a particular way–to make a lot of money or to be famous or to be the best at what they do. That kind of pressure usually makes children feel inadequate because they feel that not being the best means they’ve failed. They often feel like it’s not worth trying if they aren’t going to be the best. So the pressure is counterproductive.I’ve also seen lots of situations where parental support made the difference between success and failure for an adult child. I’ve known parents who continued to support their children financially after they finished college, so they could do things like go to auditions, which they couldn’t do when they were working full time. These parents expected their children to be financially independent when they finished college. They swallowed hard and made the commitment to continue providing some financial support, so their child wouldn’t have to give up their dream. Of course, not all parents have the resources to offer this kind of support, but when they do, I find their decision really admirable.Is there a point where most children question their parents’ plans for them? So much depends on how parents respond to their child’s decision to do something other than what the parents want them to do. For example, if a child feels that their parents would be terribly disappointed if they followed another path, they may force themselves to try to do what the parents want because the don’t want to disappoint them. On the other hand, if parents are more flexible and supportive, their children may not need to actively oppose them.Do children naturally need guidance?Most people need guidance. And guidance doesn’t just come from parents. It can come from teachers, coaches, camp counselors, family friends. It’s pretty hard for most people, if they don’t have someone who helps them see what they care about and helps them pursue it. Sometimes it’s even easier to receive help from someone who isn’t the parent, someone who isn’t invested in quite the same way.Is it possible to escape the path set in childhood? There are plenty of people who realize that the path they were supposed to follow just isn’t meant for them. The decision to do something different is usually a lot easier if we feel our parents will be okay with our following our own path. If we expect that there will be some big emotional consequence—disapproval, criticism, etc.,—for not doing what they clearly want us to do, it’s a lot more difficult. On the other hand, sometimes having something to rebel against helps people have a clearer sense of who they are, and what they want to do with their lives. Parents who simply approve of everything their children do aren’t helping them to understand their strengths and limitations. Click to learn more about finding your life path with Jane Rubin, Ph.D.