"Will my Life Path Change with Age?"

When did the struggle to find a life path become an issue? My sense is that it certainly accelerated in the ‘60s when a lot of people started feeling, “We don’t have to just follow the path that was dictated for us. My dad worked in a factory or an office but I don’t have to do that.” It was a time when people became more affluent and that was when the idea really became influential in the culture. A lot of us in the ‘60s thought, “I’ll find some way to make money,” and it didn’t cost a lot to live then. Now with the economy so much worse, many people have less of a sense of possibility because the economic pressures are so intense:  "I have to do something that will get me a job.”Do tools like aptitude tests work? Not usually. It’s putting the cart before the horse to think about what you have an aptitude for. It’s more useful for people to think about what they enjoy and try it out to find out if they have an aptitude for it. Sometimes it seems to me like the majority of American men, at some time in their lives, wanted to be athletes. Somewhere along the way—in middle school, in high school, in college-- they realized they were never going to be good enough. It’s not like anyone had to work hard to convince them to face their limitations. Their limitations were obvious. So I don’t I don’t think there’s any harm in people pursuing what they love. Eventually, you’ll discover what you’re good at without any aptitude tests.Can we expect to be on the same life path for our entire lives?This is something that has changed dramatically in our culture over the last several decades. In the past, so many jobs were secure that people could feel, “I’m going to work at Ford for the rest of my life.” Many, many people had the expectation that they would be working in the same place, raising their family in the same place. That clearly has changed. Very few people can now live life with the expectation that what they’re doing now is what they’ll be doing in 20 or 30 years.The increase in life expectancy also plays a role here. When people lived until they were 30, they didn’t have to think about what they would do when the kids left the house or when they retired. Now people experience a need to periodically reinvent themselves just because we live so much longer. How would you guide someone who wants to start on the path to change? First we need to figure out what needs to change. Sometimes people feel that they need to make a wholesale change, when what they really need is to make some changes in their current situation that will make it more workable for them. Perhaps they need to talk to their boss about making some changes in their job description. Perhaps what they really want is to do the same kind of work, but in a different company. So before someone makes a radical change, we want to explore what is most unsatisfying about their current situation, and whether there are ways of improving it without doing something else entirely.If a person feels that they really need to make a big change, the next step is to make sure that they know what they’re getting into. If you want to be a carpenter, have you actually done the work? Do you know how skilled you are compared to others in your area? Do you have a realistic plan for establishing yourself? People often have fantasies about what a new profession would be like that aren’t borne out once they get some experience with it.We’re talking about profession mostly, but does this apply to other areas of life? Absolutely. Many people are perfectly fine with what they’re doing professionally, but are having trouble making space in their lives for other things they love. Maybe they love playing music. They’re never going to be professional musicians, but this doesn’t have to keep them from finding a place for playing music in their lives. In our culture, we often feel that we have to be defined by our jobs. A lot of jobs are not all that satisfying. I think people need to give themselves permission to find what they love in areas other than work.Click to learn more about finding your life path with Jane Rubin, Ph.D.