Succeeding At Self-Sabotage

If you’ve read my previous blog posts, you probably know that I don’t believe there are always easy answers to psychological problems. One problem that often defies simple solutions is self-sabotage. Why do we do things that keep us from doing our best in work, in relationships, in life in general? We know that self-sabotage is often the result of low self-esteem. You may feel that there is something wrong with you that makes you unworthy of success and so you undermine yourself. You may feel that you’re not as good as other people and don’t deserve to have what they have so you do less than your best work in order not to outdo them.Recent research, however, has demonstrated a less obvious truth--that self-sabotage can actually be a way of preserving self-esteem. A recent article by a Berkeley professor describes an interesting experiment. Researchers selected a group of college students, all of whom were invested in getting good grades. Half of the students believed that their academic success was the result of their innate abilities. The other half believed that it was a result of their hard work.The students were told that they were going to take an SAT-type test. They were told that they could listen to a CD that would improve their performance on the test. They were also offered the opportunity to take practice tests before taking the actual test.One would think that the students who believed their success was a result of their efforts would have chosen to do things that would improve their efforts. They would listen to the CDs. They would take the practice tests. But, interestingly enough, they didn’t. The question, of course, is why.The researchers discovered that the students didn’t make use of these means of improving their test scores because they recognized that if they didn’t perform well on the test, they could blame their poor performance on the fact that they hadn’t listened to the CDs or taken the practice tests. They could salvage their self-esteem by telling themselves that they would have done better if they had done these things.In my experience, this is not an unusual phenomenon. Many people who procrastinate, for example, tell themselves that they could have done better if they had turned in their work on time and not received a bad grade for lateness or for not completing their assignments. Like the students in the experiment, they experience themselves as confronted with an impossible dilemna. They believe that their success is due to their own efforts but they don’t believe their efforts will be good enough. Therefore, protecting their self-esteem by not doing everything they can to succeed seems wiser than doing everything they can to improve their work.What this research demonstrates, I believe, is that issues of self-esteem trump issues of success or failure. The professor who comments on the experiment has spent the whole semester trying to convince his students that their success is due to their own efforts and that, if they make the incremental efforts he suggests, they’ll do well in his class. His students, however, clearly don’t believe him. The only way the students would make the incremental efforts, it seems, is if they believed they were going to do well or believed they could be resilient in the face of failure. Self-esteem issues prevent these students from believing either of these things.All of which is to say, as the professor concludes, that there are no easy answers as to what motivates people to do their best and not sabotage themselves. For some people, the experience of success is worth the risk of failure. Success builds upon success. But for many people, the fear of failure and what it means for their self-esteem makes trying not worth the risk. The problem and the persistence of self-sabotage illustrates that, despite the advice of self-help books and life coaches, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to what motivates people to make their best efforts in work, in relationships and in life.29 August 2012Click to learn more about finding your life path with Jane Rubin, Ph.D.